I am growing towards a call to holiness and godliness. My heart cries out to God for holiness, obviously I am striving but not in the least perfect. I even cry a little as I remember how vulnerable and weak I am as a minister. I am to uphold these high standards for God and his glory yet I fail him. I must die to myself and surrender completely to God for this to even work. In my own power I am not strong enough to be holy yet I desire to be. It is by faith alone through the work of the Holy Spirit, it is not a work of myself but by the grace of God we are free. I just preached on this sort of integrity of the man of God. The holiness we are striving for.
I know I am guilty of slacking off here. I used to go out on walks just to see where the Holy Spirit would take me and talk to whoever He led me to talk to, for evangelism. Here now at our church we have been talking about ways to evangelize in our community now for a year or two but we have yet to actually take the initiative and do something! It should be our primary mission! And that is not entirely true because we do preach the Gospel and have special events highlighting the Gospel I just feel that I am slacking off personally sharing.
I feel that I am striving to have integrity and courage. I don’t always have the kind of zeal. I want to be consumed with love for Christ. Sometimes I let my own feelings and plan and logic consume me instead. What a silly mistake. Sometimes I do die out in the routine work of every day. I do scatter myself and try to be good at all things. While I should do all things for the glory of God and with excellence I need to delegate and relax and just focus on laying everything at his dear feet who bled and died for me! Amen! When I surrender all to Him and focus on what he wants me doing, not only do I have enough energy to complete it well I have zeal also that He provides!