Wednesday Links List

Here are this weeks’ links:

1. Leadership starts with Self- Care Starts by: Loren Gary

2. Study Points to Possible Treatment for Brain Disorders by Science Daily

5. The Importance of Self-Care by Alex Dolin

Keep up with all things “Fully Alive Life Coaching,” with my daily paper that features over 200 contributors but most importantly my feeds on Twitter, Youtube and Facebook. Here is the link:

Overcoming Roadblocks to Self-Care

There are several common roadblocks to self care:
-For some people time is their biggest road block.
-For others self-esteem or value is hindering.
-Guilt is a very common roadblock. For using time on self.
-Lack of Assertiveness or not knowing when to say ‘no’ is another common roadblock. 
 –Perfectionism can have a reverse effect in self-care, the lies is that if we cannot do it perfectly, there  is no sense in trying.
-A major myth is that self-care is in definition. What is self-care? Why care? Self-care is holistic. Some people get caught up thinking it is one thing or another and end up neglecting something obvious.
              -The Questions of what to do first? Who to listen to? What is the best thing to do? How do I do it?
              –Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of commitment. Fear of taking the first step….

All of these and others are things to look-out when beginning or continuing on in the path of self-care. One of the most difficult things for a busy individual is motivating them to spend time that is not “productive.” God created us to be productive and being productive is a good thing. Remember though, that God also created us to be healthy and live a balanced life. It can be tough for some people to find a hobby or a distraction because they want to live so obsessed with making money or making a lasting impression, that having a hobby seems out of the picture. But the truth is having a hobby can be productive and altruistic. It can make you a better person and a better worker. There are countless amounts of organizations  and volunteer opportunities that are worthy!

There are three parts of happiness:
1. Being good (Your own self-care in health, happiness, character, personal growth, etc) 
2. Doing good  (Full effort, productivity, high quality and hard work, etc)
3. Creatinggood (This is our volunteering/giving back/paying forward, etc)
To be fully healthy and happy you need all three aspects. So finding a hobby is so essential for creating good as well as in living a balanced life.
Suggestions for Creating Good:
1. It could be service-driven activity that builds into the community, Volunteering at a church ministry, a kitchen soup, food pantry, homeless shelters,  health clinic, service project groups: like Lions Club, Eagle Club, Kiwanis Club, Habitat for Humanity, Big Brother/Big Sister….the list goes on and on
2. It could be something that you enjoy doing, a passion or art. And contributing it to the community….book club, writing a book, playing in a band, leading worship at church, writing music, creating a coffee house event or do poetry readings, or other art/dance.

3. It could look different for everyone. It may not be your typical art or service project. It could be volunteering  at a gym or working at YMCA and offering yoga, martial arts, gun safety classes, presenting  research data, this could look like something very practical and tangible in information or in actual practice. 

Wednesday Links List

I’m implementing a new feature called Wednesday links. Each week, I will post 5 good links related to self-care, stress, mental health, life coaching or other related topic relevant to ministry, coaching, counseling or life as a small business owner.

Today will be the first set of links:

1. Eight Ways Leaders Make Themselves Vulnerable to Spiritual Attack by Thom Rainer

2.Chronic worriers can’t switch brain off by the by the Press- Enterprise

3. Back to Campus Mental Health Resources by Mental Health America

4. 8 Fascinating Facts About Anxiety by Psyblog

5. Keep up with all things “Fully Alive Life Coaching,” with my daily paper that features over 200 contributors but most importantly my feeds on Twitter, Youtube and Facebook. Here is the link:

Personal Homecoming Note

This is a purely personal post, not related to my normal postings about stress management, self-care, life coaching tips, mental health or Biblical Studies. This is a post about me and my life. feel free to ignore this completely or feel free to welcome this post and learn more about me and my real life experiences. Thanks.

This summer, when I was signing up for my last counseling intensive at Liberty University, I noticed that Homecoming weekend was right before my intensive, so I made plans to go to Homecoming. I also noticed that Liberty was playing Coastal Carolina, a small school my sister went to.
Homecoming has come and past. On Friday afternoon, I get into Lynchburg and get homecoming food. I meet some new people and watched the Liberty Men’s soccer team beat  Presbyterian College.
Saturday, I found the library and borrowed a book that I needed for the week. Next, I watched the Lady Flame volleyball team beat Coastal Carolina in 2 straight matches.
Once I got out of the Vines Center, the Homecoming parade started. After the parade, I enjoyed more tailgate food at the alumni tailgate party.
This what followed was one of my favorite moments of the weekend.  As I was just chilling on the back porch of the Hancock Welcome Center, overlooking the tailgate party a series of events took place. First i was just enjoying the weather and the student bands that exchanged sets on the stage in the back of the carnival. Then all of a sudden, the student leadership of Coastal Carolina marching band came near me. I started some small talk with some of them. They seemed nice enough. The event got better. We all noticed that something was happening on this back porch, so me, the Coastal Carolina band and other by-standers had to move out of the way as the full Liberty Marching Band, the “Spirit of the Mountain,” lined up on the back porch of the Hancock Welcome Center and I had a front row experience of a beautiful  performance by Liberty’s marching band.
Next, right after this teaser, I went in to the football game: Coastal Vs. Liberty. A great match-up and rivalry. Even though there is a 6 hour drive between the schools, the match-up has become some sort of key rivalry in the Big South. The game started out awesome! A lot of scoring, especially for Big South schools. At one point, Liberty had a 3 score lead. At halftime it was 28 to 13, Liberty’s lead. Unfortunately, Coastal got the score to 45 to 37 in the fourth quarter. They made a key stop on 3rd down and Liberty punted to Coastal. There was under 2 minutes on the clock, so I felt pretty confident. Although, as with the entire game, there was little to no defense in this game. After converting on a fourth down play, Coastal took the ball down the field and got a touchdown with 30 seconds left on the clock. “No Big Deal,” I thought, they still need a two-point conversion. Coastal snapped the ball, quarterback had too much time. The Liberty rush came too late. The quarterback threw the ball to the open receiver and ow the score is tied up. Time for overtime.
Coastal wins the toss. They elect to play defense first, a smart move. Fortunately, the Liberty running back gets the hand-off and breaks through a few tackles, makes a hard cut-back at the five yard line and is able to break-away for the touchdown. Coastal gets the ball, and the Liberty defense has a key 3rd down opportunity. Instead of stopping Coastal, they get in the end-zone. So we enter the 2nd OT. Coastal starts with the ball first this time. Liberty stops them on 3rd down this time and Coastal kicks a field goal successfully. Now the crowd is going wild. We have the ball, a TD wins the game, a field goal takes us into the 3rd OT.  We have momentum and excitement!
First down and is an incomplete pass in the end-zone for the win. Second down is a rushing play for a few yards. Third down is another incomplete pass. So no big deal, the kicker can make this kick. The ugly: the snap is down the kick is up and it is blocked by the Coastal Defense. Game over. Coastal comes in and ruins our homecoming weekend. I was so disappointed I walked around the campus for an hour and completely forgot about going to the observatory later that evening.

It was an exciting game. Liberty had so many opportunities to win. Good job Coastal. This was really disappointing though and the biggest thing I wish had changed out of all the things that occurred during this homecoming weekend. I meet some cool people and had a lot of fun. Now it is time to focus my attention on my intensive class, this week.

Time Management and Priorities : Finding Time for Self-Care

 We are all only given 24 hours in a day, everyday. That is an equal for all of us, no matter what the situation is, no matter how successful or unsuccessful, rich or not as fortunate.
  It can be challenging to find time to take care of yourself, especially when you have enough things to do already! Your 24 hours quickly disappears! Many people are great care takers of children or of their elder parents, there is not enough time in the day to serve everyone that needs to be served or earn enough money that needs to be earned. So the main skills that are correlated with self-care are priority-setting and also time-management.
This box demonstrates a simple way blending these two elements: time management and priority-setting. The four boxes center around two thoughts: Urgency and Importance.
            1. Urgent, Important
            2. Important, Not Urgent
            3. Urgent, Not Important
            4. Not Urgent, Not Important
With these two ideas in mind, I can replay every action, that I did in my mind and categorize which box that action goes in.
For example, activities that go in the first box are: Putting out stressful “fires,”crises or deadlines. Work deadlines, family emergencies, project/homework is due, major complaint from large company,  
             The second box is my “Creative pro-activity.” Here is quality time/production, Preparation, prevention, planning, career development, long-term strategy, relationship building, personal fulfillment, quality family time and taking care of myself by going to gym or reading a self-development book. The third box may be my least favorite box. These activities are red herrings (plausible but not important or relevant) , Interruptions like phone calls, some office meetings, some mail, chose of colors on a wall, etc.  The fourth box is time wasting: TV, Internet, Video games, fun, relaxing, does not add much of any other value, distractions, trivial activities and “escapes” from reality. We need to spend some therapeutic laughter and pleasure time in life, but we need to limit this category or we will become its slave. 
 Here are a few more of these charts to help bring home the point:

Self-Care is for Everyone

Self care refers to actions and attitudes which contribute to the maintenance of well-being and personal health and promote human development.

Self-care is taking care of your own self, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually so that you are fully alive and able to truly fulfill all of your purposes and callings. 
I believe that self-care is for everyone.

Let me briefly run-through some examples and maybe you will be able to relate. Often times individuals get really busy in life through a number of scenarios  Unfortunately, we all only have 24 hours in a day.

  • Business owners and C.E.O.s work hard and work long hours to maximize their reputation  business and profits. 
  • Single parents work three jobs to provide for the family.
  • 40 and 50 year old parents who have their own children also take care of their older parents, sandwiched in two roles of care.
  •  School teachers with children of their own, once they wake up they turn on the teacher mode and even when they get home they have to be in mom/teacher mode.
  • Pastors who give and give and give might be neglecting their own care or their family’s care.
  • Doctors and nurses working in 12 or more hour shifts. 
  •   Let’s not forget our Heroes (Military men and women, E.M.T. workers, firemen and police men/women) who see trauma first-hand.
These are all examples of challenging scenarios, where self-care needs to be evaluated. But honestly self-care is for everyone. We all need to take time out of our busy schedules to take care of our own needs and care. We will not be as effective or healthy if we neglect our own care and health. We all have times in life when caring for our self is not our main priority, we have a balancing act between jobs, kids, spouses, institutions and those in our social network that need our attention and time. But what is one thing you are going to do to this week that is for you and your own well-being?